I am a product of a broken family. Maybe we weren't praying
that much together as a family before, making me spend almost my entire life without a father
figure in sight. Maybe I’m still lucky coz I was still able to get a glimpse of
a life with a complete family, unlike my younger sister who has no memory of
our dad at all.
Well even before my mom and dad called it quits, I was only able
to get to see and hug my dad whenever he got home from working overseas which
by the way is just once in a year or two. The only good thing about that is we
always have balikbayan boxes with “pasalubong” every once in a while. Showered
with toys, chocolates, new clothes and somehow a good life. I remember the
times that my mom, my brother and I would do voice recordings in a cassette tape
and send it to my dad abroad, and he would do the same. Letters and also
expensive overseas telephone calls were exchanged to fill up his absence. They were
able to send me to private schools, with a nanny on the side. We had a good
home to live, but someone's still missing...my Dad. As one of Luther Vandross’
song goes “A House is not a Home”, we may have a nice house to live in but
inside it’s really incomplete. I was
always wishing that our family will be complete but I guess wishes don't always come true.
I don’t know what went wrong, whose fault it was initially,
we were once happy I knew that and it always kept me thinking why it ended that
way. All I know is that when my Dad decided to stop working overseas and focus
with our family business, he changed. He doesn't go home anymore, whenever he
does he and my mother would fight, he stopped giving us anything, even financially.
And then I heard that he had an affair with one of our waitresses, which his
family just condone. I was 7 years old
when my mom and dad separated, me and my younger sister who was still a baby
back then needed to be brought to Samar with my grandma. My mom had to stay
there to finish something up, and my brother was left there as well. The worst
part was my Dad didn't even care to communicate after that at all and my mom was
away as well to work here in Manila for us. I spent my entire childhood with my
grandma but I was never a Lola's girl. I excelled academically at school,but I’m
always envious whenever someone’s with their family or even just with their
Dad. I spent my teenage years also without a father to go home to. I always
thought my parents could have saved their marriage for the sake of us their
children but I guess it’s too late my Dad already has his own family and his
own lil princess, which maybe through my step-sister is his way to make up to all
the mistakes he made and the attention
he could have given to us back then. But what really hurts the most is that my
brother died without even seeing us complete, we weren't even able to see him at
all when he was still alive since he spent his entire life with my grandma
(father side) ever since my parents separated and also the fact that my Dad and
also his family just think that were just after him financially, he doesn't even
initiate to do meet ups for a father-daughter bonding with me and my younger
sister whenever he gets home from working overseas, it could have been nice if
he would bring us something as “pasalubong” or ask us what we want whenever he
goes home so we could still say that he’s still thinking of us. I know I’m old
for this, but no one’s too old for wanting their father’s affection.
I know we can never turn back time and correct all the
mistakes of the past,it’s crazy to wish for it but if given a chance to use a
time a machine I wouldn't hesitate to go back and help save my parents’ marriage then maybe my brother will still be alive today, maybe my parents will
still be together and maybe just maybe we’re complete, I have my Dad, my
mother, my brother and my lil sister with me.
Christmas is coming and I’m getting lonelier every minute it
gets closer to that season were family reunion happens and families spent time
together,while I’m here longing for that very day to come for us. I might be
happy outside, the most cheerful girl, I have my mother and sister with me but
I had been lonely deep down ever since.
So, Pa I just hope you get to read this.
