How's My Future?

"Jack of all trades, Master of Nothing."

I've heard it many times already. Thinking, is that what I'm going to be? Honestly, up until now I still don't know what path should I take. I mean, I've already graduated from College and all, come to think of I have a Bachelor's degree in Journalism. Everyone else who's exactly in the same situation as me had probably been collecting certifications, contacts, finding employer that is related to what is written as job description/objective on their resumes, and of course pursuing the profession/career that they've been daydreaming about until the day that they've finally bid farewell to their Alma Mater.

But me, I'm still left hanging. I don't know what to do! I don't know which employer should I consider trying. Even if I've had my first job already, I admit that I did not take it too seriously, if I had then I'm already a regular employee.

I told myself when I left my previous employer that I'll definitely be looking for a job that is not BPO (Call Center), I'd be looking for something that is gonna be a regular office hour shift/schedule and perhaps a job related to what I had spent my 4 years in a univesity. But then again, after almost 2 months of contemplating, I've been hired and much to my dismay, still on a BPO and almost the same account that I had with my previous company. I just thought, WTH?! Is this really what I'm going to be? A call center agent? Taking in calls, arguing with foreign customers that's telling how dumb and illiterate you are, saying that you can't speak nor understand English well. They're really boosting my self-esteem up very well. And of course experiencing what seems like a roller coaster of mood swings and emotions in every single calls but you still have to give your best shot or else your score/performance as an agent will suffer.

I had been in this kind of industry for almost 6months and it seems like I will be staying for quiet a long time. Thank goodness for the good offer given by my new employer.

But of course, who is it to blame? Do I have a choice? Why is it so hard for me to decide which's which? I'll be starting soon with this new employer but I'm still confused as hell, debating endlessly with myself without a conclusion in sight.

My mom wanted me to save money so I can enroll this school year or so and pursue a career as a lawyer. Actually, it's my dream way back childhood, just the same time I had wanted to become a doctor or a billionaire. But I don't think I'll be fit as a lawyer, even when I was in College I did not study that well - I'm a happy-go-lucky type of person. I was just contented to pass every subjects. How will I be a lawyer? I'm not that studious, not a bookworm, can't focus, scattered brain and lazy. I'm a writer but maybe it's just my college degree. I'm not that confident with my writing skills. I was thinking I might just be too high or in stupor when I signed up and enrolled. I lack guidance from someone on what should I be..err who should I be.

I really thought that I will be able to find out what I really wanted during the few months I've been out of the business, but I guess it's not that easy to find one's self.

Everyone who knows me tells me that I'm good at this, I'm good at that. I don't know. Maybe I'm just too stubborn to find out or maybe because my parents is dubious as well as I was and don't know what should I do.

I'm also thinking of getting another degree in Computer Engineering or Electronics and Communications Engineering, Information Technology or Computer Science. But I'm afraid of Math subjects, because I know too well that I'm not that good, well it's my fave subject way back grade school but when high school came it had been the very least because of the teachers handling that subject. That's even my excuse when someone asks me why I took up Journalism (Mass Communication), because it has fewer math subjects compared to the courses that I wanted. I'm just a scaredy-cat. >_<

I'm lazy, I lack self confidence, I'm too fat, not as pretty as I was when I was still not in my 20s yet*Haha*...O.M. what a very low self-esteem I have. But I do admit it, I certainly admit it. What should I do? T_T

I don't want to be a call center agent for a very long time--forever. I wanted something better. Something that will make me someone more than just my college degree. I just really hope I will be able to find it out myself soon. The sooner the better, or else.....geez. ^^,